Parenting

A Tribute to Halloween; 8 of the Scariest Moments in Parenting

  1. The realisation that this baby is stuck with you as their parent for their entire existence. Hell, there may even be a time when this child will look up to you. That’s right – YOU, the person who couldn’t keep a Tamagotchi alive for more than a week and still manages to kill a Bonsai Tree within days.

  2. The nappy explosion. Nothing prepares you for it.How this little thing can create such volume and potency is still an undiscovered phenomenon.

  3. The first time you leave the house underprepared. Whether it’s a bodily fluid apocalypse with no change of clothes or simply forgetting to pack the baby wipes; that feeling of momentary doom will never leave you. It will result in you packing all sorts of unnecessary shit for your future journeys; seven muslins, 3 complete outfits and at least 4 nappies for a 10 minute outing.

  4. Hot food. It’s the bane of all parent’s life. The horror when you realise the centre hadn’t cooled down enough. You feel huge guilt and worry you’ve scarred your child for life – was it as bad as that time you scorched the roof of your mouth on a Pop Tart? All your child’s meals will be tepid to stone-cold for the next week.

  5. Your toddler entering the parrot phase. Not only is your sanity pushed to the limit with the repetition of the same word all day, it’s time to reign in the f-bombs and other expletives you’ve been fondly using for most of your adult life. No longer can you call your husband a dickhead as a ‘term of endearment’. Bring on the ‘Oh blasts’ ‘Drats’ and ‘Fffffflipping hecks’

  6. When your child decides a busy supermarket is the perfect place to play hide and seek. I swear my son will remain in the shopping trolley until he’s well into his teens.

  7. Silence. Now, this may seem to be a blissful state of family harmony, but this moment is very short lived. Alarm bells should sound within seconds, this silence means that your child is most liked engrossed in something particularly dangerous/naughty/stupid – sometimes all three apply. My most recent silent discovery was finding my son putting his toys in the toilet.

  8. When you run out of coffee or alcohol.

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