Prince George and the Duchess have been trending on the internet recently and all because of a photo that captures the moment in parenting we all face; whether we’re royalty, a celebrity or neither.
Tantrums, disciplining and trying to avoid a parent malfunction.
I found this photo hilarious due to the fact I could finally resonate with something Kate Middleton has to deal with; a misbehaving toddler. It made me realise that even with the help of nannies and a privileged lifestyle; parents will always experience the same challenges that come with raising a little, unhinged human.
This inspired me to search for other priceless photos that give us civilians a way to witness the different parenting styles our celebrity friends adopt when their child goes nuclear. It also allows us to gloat in the knowledge that when our cherub acts up, we most likely won’t have the paparazzi hiding in the bushes ready to document the meltdown (and potential parenting fail) forever more.
Without further ado, let’s discuss our first technique as wonderfully demonstrated by Duchess Kate.
The ‘Eyes of Rage’
The eyes are usually pulled out in the early stages of a tantrum, or can act as a warning for a slightly over-excited child to calm the fuck down. I guarantee child will do everything in its power to avoid looking into them. All you can do is hope that the burning rays of disapproval will make the little sucker think twice about causing the utter mayhem they had planned.
The ‘Index Finger of Authority’
If only a lightning bolt would shoot out the end of it. It would strike the ground surrounding the misbehaving child and instantly halt them in their tracks. Bet you Victoria Beckham would have appreciated the supernatural enhancement at this time too. Let’s hope the force of wind created from the thrust of the finger, along with your new-found voice of lucifer, will create an unsettling enough atmosphere to regain control.
The ‘Smile, it’s not happening’ Technique
I find this can be done if they are already contained and won’t really be able to cause any collateral damage if they are temporarily ignored. If you find yourself in the very awkward position of being centre stage whilst your angel is behaving in a less than desirable manner, then take note from Geri Halliwell and Mariah Carey. Mariah’s twins sure didn’t want to listen to the praise when it came to their Mum receiving her Star for the Walk of Fame on Hollywood Blvd.
The ‘Focus and Make Light’ Method
High potential to backfire and wind up the child more, however it can help to diffuse the situation if you’re around watchful eyes. This toddler will always be known as the girl who flipped her lid in The White House. Obama should always be remembered for his excellent reaction.
The ‘I’m made of stone’ Stance
You push, slap or kick me? I keep on walking. Yes, I may be a experiencing a raging inferno of anger inside but I’m not going to give you the satisfaction of knowing you hurt me. Do I have a tiny urge to drop-kick you into oblivion? Maybe. But I won’t because I’m a good person. Stay strong Katie Holmes.
The ‘Let’s Negotiate’ Phase
For this to work, the child has to be old enough to know that they will benefit from stopping their actions immediately. You can get down on their level and really discuss a way forward. Some parents bribe, some parents make promises they’ll never be able to afford/keep. Good luck to you if your child has a good memory. Clearly a favourite for celebrities who can handle the expense… Katie Holmes, Matthew Broderick, Angelina Jolie…
The ‘I predict, so I lift’ Tactic
Specifically for tear-about the place toddlers. It’s 50/50 that they’re going to break loose and run towards the only dangerous thing in a 20 mile radius. Time for the swoop up. Bravo to Nicole Richie for preventing little Harlow from acting out whatever trouble was going through her little mind.
The ‘Smile, it might make them smile’ Plan
This very rarely works. In fact, I wouldn’t even bother. Doesn’t seem to be working for Katie Holmes and the risk of looking as clueless as Kayne West does in this photo should deter you forever more. This amazing insight into North West’s front row debacle brings us to nicely to Kim Kardashian’s parent face…
The ‘I fucking give up’ Face
This evidently comes after taking a toddler to a Fashion Show (wtf??) It can also been seen on a worn down, empty shell of a parent who has reached their limit – like Kim, Katie Holmes (again!) and Heidi Klum. They simply can’t handle anymore of their child’s prima donna bullshit. They’ve tried everything and simply can’t process another second of tears, screams and kicks. They’re numb. If you see a broken parent sporting this face, now is not the time for judgement. It’s time to help out…
And let’s finish on a lighter note shall we… My absolute fave of all tantrum diffusers…
Shakira, you’ve got this parenting thing down. I salute you.