“Through the blur, I wondered if I was alone or if other parents felt the same way I did – that everything involving our children was painful in some way. The emotions, whether they were joy, sorrow, love or pride, were so deep and sharp that in the end they left you raw, exposed and yes, in pain. The human heart was not designed to beat outside the human body and yet, each child represented just that – a parent’s heart bared, beating forever outside its chest.”
― Debra Ginsberg
I’m in a reflective mood today. My usual pace of life has slowed thanks to the most recent flare up of my chronic pain. Whilst slightly spaced on pain drugs, and buzzing away with my TENS machine firmly in place, my normal lifestyle has been replaced with bed rest.
In between my tears of pain and sadness, I find myself drawn to reading yet more depressing articles and tales of woe. Then I stumbled across the heart-wrenchingly beautiful quote by Debra Ginsberg.
I relate. Today, I particularly feel the raw and exposed emotion.
Guilt, despair, annoyance, frustration and self-pity are creating an overcast blur, a mist that distorts reality and suffocates reasonable thinking.
In the midst of my self-absorbed misery, this quote struck a chord and inspired me to write; to think outside of my gloomy bubble. To appreciate and see the beauty of life; my life, continuing to thrive in my son. He may be elsewhere whilst I recover, but it’s temporary. A brief moment in his life that he will probably never remember and he will undoubtedly be having a lovely time. If, by chance, he does remember my days of illness, I’m sure they will be wonderful memories of bonding with other people in his life.
The deep and sharp emotions I feel today will pass. Writing this has helped. The leaden blur will soon disperse allowing a new filter to take its place. My sombre heart will recuperate when the physical pain ends and in the meantime, I will take comfort in knowing my secondary little wholesome heart is happily beating elsewhere.