Family, Motherhood, Parenting

No Shame in this Mama’s bottle feeding game

Zi23lz_G.jpg largeLet me introduce you to KayLee aka Happily Average Mom.

KayLee is a mother of two, library worker, amateur at all things creative and avid consumer of coffee. She started her blog “Happily Average” in hopes of inspiring positivity and comfort in the average lives of average moms. She is passionate about women supporting women, books, the body image movement and almost all things pertaining to being happy in your own skin.

Here’s KayLee’s story:

Bottle feeding photo - Happily Average

So, I just wanted to touch base on the #  that I’m currently promoting, it’s called #dontjudgejustfeed and it’s to promote women who are bottle feeding their children.

For me this topic hits home because I did bottle feed my daughter almost her whole infanthood and my son is now bottle-fed.
Big deal right?
Well, in some circles it is. I really wanted to talk a little bit about why I’m supporting it so publicly, by sharing my baby feeding story.

When I had my daughter it was three days after my eighteenth birthday. I WAS A BABY having a baby. I was very inexperienced, obviously. My Lilah was born three weeks early, after a complicated pregnancy. She was small, and from the very get-go I wasn’t producing milk. I mean nothing, not even a little. My body just didn’t kick into gear to feed my baby. And this broke my heart.

I was in the hospital for several days because they wanted to monitor us and during that time they just kept having me try to breastfeed, so I kept trying and she wasn’t getting any food in her at all. There was nothing. I wasn’t producing anything, so I was panicking. At this point it had been 2 days and they kept telling me: “oh she doesn’t need formula, just keep trying to breastfeed; just try this position; just drink more water.”

So I did… & it didn’t work. Later that day, after a ton of protest they finally went ahead and set me up with a formula supplementing tube that ran down into a breast shield. The hope was that she would get the feel of feeding and maybe it would give me time to start producing. This also did not work.

We went home and i continued to do everything I was told. But despite my efforts, I still couldn’t breastfeed my baby.The realization that i couldn’t breastfeed along with the other insecurities of being a mother at barely eighteen really broke me down emotionally. I tried for 2 months. I went to the counsellors and nurses, I read all the books. I tried and tried and tried and failed. It was heart-breaking for me because I thought that I was failing as a mother. To make it worse I had people in my life telling me that I wasn’t trying hard enough. That I wasn’t doing everything I could do. I got so much negativity from people in my life and from the hospital workers and friends about finally choosing to bottle feed.

At 18 years old being a single young mother trying to navigate my way  through and having people that I was supposed to be trusting for advice shame me in a way for not being able to breastfeed my daughter, was horrible. I remember  crying several times, just feeling generally sad and  trying to figure out why I couldn’t do it when other people could do it. If I was a mother I should be able to do it.

That was my first experience.
In that case I did not have a choice.
With my second child, I did.

When I gave birth to my son the experience was the total opposite from my experience with his sister. He was a week late, very strong, and I was already producing. He latched right away and he was a natural born eater. He breastfed as much as one person could tolerate. He wanted to be attached to me 24/7, so I did that. I breastfed constantly. It was extremely painful and extremely uncomfortable at the same time magical and heart-warming.We kept going. He was eating very well and I loved the bonding (except that first few seconds every time he latched was a murderous shocking pain!) I was eating lactation cookies, I was taking fenugreek, I was doing everything that could be done to keep my supply up. I really wanted the chance to breastfeed this time.

I went back to work 3 weeks after he was born. Took him to work with me in a baby carrier. A few weeks later I started a new job working for the library. I couldn’t take him with me anymore. So then the daunting task of pumping began. I pumped on all of my breaks, I pumped at lunch time I pumped any time I had the chance. I was constantly trying to keep up with the supply. I did this for five months before I chose to stop breastfeeding. My son was starting to get the signs of teething and though some people feed through teething I was not interested in that. I chose to stop breast feeding.

Now that I’m a little older and a little wiser. I really don’t feel that it makes a difference how a woman chooses to sustain her baby. I’m a supporter of feeding your baby any way you need (or want) to feed your baby. This is a cause like many other causes that women should be supporting each other in. I see a lot of very negative and very aggressive remarks between women talking about mothers should be feeding their babies & I really feel like the women of the world in general should be supporting each other; especially mothers. Mother’s should be supporting each other in decisions like this without a doubt.

So, let’s just let that mama feed her baby! As long as that sweet baby is eating I think that mothers deserve all the support in the world for doing their job and sustaining their child. So how about we raise each other up, instead of shaming each other over our child-rearing choices. Breastfeeding is great it’s wonderful & it’s beautiful. It’s also a fact that not every woman CAN do it or wants to do it. I loved the experience but on the other hand I don’t feel that I’m any lesser of a mother for choosing to bottle feed my son or for having to bottle feed my daughter.

So, long story short let’s support each other ladies. I would love to see some of you posting with #dontjudgejustfeed and with #fedisbest.

I really think this is something that we need to stop fighting with each other about
& support each other about instead.

-KayLee

Where you can find KayLee: Blog: www.happily-average.weebly.com Twitter: https://twitter.com/HappilyAverageK Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/happilyaveragemom/

If you are interested in sharing your story, email us at djjfcampaign@gmail.com

1 thought on “No Shame in this Mama’s bottle feeding game”

  1. What a wonderful idea! Unfortunately in Ireland at the moment if you try to talk about bottle feeding or speak about supporting mothers who bottle feed you can be met with a very negative response. People misjudge it as having a negative attitude to breastfeeding. I love the idea of just supporting all women regardless of how they choose to feed their babies. This shame and culture of aggression towards mothers who bottle feed needs to stop. Equally women who breastfeed should be able to so publicly without comment from others. Let’s all just reach out and support each other’s choices.

    Liked by 1 person

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