I would like to make an apology in advance. These are the things I’ve been doing of late, and will probably continue to do so for the foreseeable;
Occasionally cancel my plans with friends.
Miss calls throughout the day.
Take a few days to reply to messages.
Pay for my expensive gym membership but rarely go.
On particularly bad days, I will struggle to get out the house.
Believe me when I say that it’s not my intention to do any of the aforementioned, and before my friends and family start to worry, I’m not suffering from any anxious or depressive episodes (I have been prone to these throughout my life). However, it’s becoming increasingly clear that my chronic gynaecological problem will not fuck off, not even a little bit, and as predicted by my specialist, it’s slowly getting much more painful.
Sure, I can have a hysterectomy sooner rather than later; they’ve already said I will undoubtedly be having it in my 30’s anyway. There’s just one slight issue for me; I truly believe becoming a mother is the most gratifying and precious moment in my life. My world is consumed with the little family my husband and I created. So please forgive me for wanting to try to add to it. My want for a baby is becoming desperate and I’m at the stage where my heart physically aches. Not to mention how often my eyes cry for the multiple negative pregnancy tests they read.
Please don’t feel sorry for me, that’s not what this message is about. I understand how lucky I am to have one child and I also realise that although my condition is chronic and relentlessly painful, there are so many destructive and life limiting illnesses and diseases in the world which I’m fortunate not to suffer from.
But this is my reality and my pain can be very debilitating. So, again, sorry to my nearest and dearest if I have let you down or will disappoint in the future. I’m not avoiding you, and I love you dearly. But when, most days, you’re only just managing to keep your shit together; sometimes people around have to take a back seat.
Now pass me the pain killers and let’s try and push through this.
#Endometriosis #PelvicAdhesions #PelvicPain #Gynae